比想象中更痛
你真的没回头
我命令眼泪不许失控
回忆不跟你走
都挤在我心中
我就有责任让它值得被珍重
谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候
我眼泪都笑了 谁还想哭呢
再勇敢的站着 找回光和热
面对你的时候 我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客 因为路有些曲折 是美的
我眼泪都笑了 谁还会哭呢
来不及完美的 就唱首骊歌
想起你的时候 我不是卑微的
反而我没有遗憾 因为我已爱过你 深深的
心碎成了沙漠 就快开凿绿洲
我没有时间不知所措
你温柔的双手 本就不属于我
又何必在乎它以后属于谁呢

Ahh;'o' levels coming any any time.like maybe in a blink of eye.
I only know if i don't study well;im going to regret and regret. :/

Anyways;met up with hannah&kenny today!Went to eat and went to shop around;den kenny went to work.Me and hannah went over to macs to slack around.HAHA;and she suddenly mentioned about me and her being lesbian partners.OMFG.HAHAHA;i laughed it all out as soon as i hear her say that.hahaha; [:
Sometimes;hanging out with girlfs is much much better;at least for that moment;i stop thinking about being cheated,being hurt.Sometimes;hanging out with girlfs and laughing out is a form of relieving stress.Especially after having such a hard time.
Well;sometimes;its alot more better. [:
isn't it?

♥ 10:15 PM

When love is gone;
when love is gone,
there are no words to say,
you're so far away,
but my dreams go on with you,
when love is gone,
there is an empty feeling,
deep inside me,
how can i make you see?
i love you so,
i can't let go,
life is not the same without you,
i need u so,
i know how much when u left me,
now i'm all alone with thoughts of you.

when love is gone,
i stop believing what was real to me,
now forever's not a place i know,
when love is gone,
i lose all feeling, silence screaming,
when love is gone.
i need to carry on, but how, when i know love is gone?

i love you so, i can't let go
life is not the same without you.
i need you so, i now how much when you left me,
now i'm all alone, still wanting you.

when love is gone i stop believeing what was real to me,
now forever's not a place i know
when love is gone, i lose all feeling,
silence screaming, when love is gone,
i need to carry on, but how, when i know love is gone?

now i know that love is gone.



Love is gone [:
I have to admit the fact;yes;he is gone-for good.
i will just have to live on the fact that;that moron is gone;and he will never ever come back.because even if he does;i will not open my heart for him again;because he hurt me alot,alot and alot.

Prelims going on these few days;so will not be as active as in the past.
Olevels;22moredays. :/

♥ 7:55 PM

H E A R T
my heart;broke into bits.

&im so-oh not prepared for olevels.kill me someone.

♥ 9:15 PM

why;;is my heart still so painful.
why;;is that incident still hurting me so.
why;;is my love not appreciated at all.
why;;is it that i am always so unwanted.
why;;is it so.

I don't know what am i feeling now;because its numbness.
I haven't been going to school lately.because i dont feel like to.because i got no mood to face humans.because;i feel like im inhuman.
I have no mood for exams;no mood for school;no mood for everything that is going to happen in my life;be it now or future.
I am beginning to lose my aims;my hopes;my wishes.
And i am beginning to lose faith in myself.
Most importantly;i am going to disappoint myself;my parents;my teachers;my friends;everyone.

Where has my confidence gone to?
Did you take it with you on 22nd september;when i knew the truth...
If so;please jon.Return it to me.

♥ 8:56 PM

useless freak.
hate.

♥ 11:38 PM

Jerk
bastard
freak
ugly
disgusting
pukes
asshole
middle finger
fucker
nabei
kns
liar
cheater
whatever

being played out the 2nd time is fucking not a joke.and i hate guys now.i swear i hate jerks and bastards.I swear that i will not fall in love with bastards again;what the fuck.yes; FUCK. I don't know how many disgusting ugly chimpanzees is god going to let me see. yes; the ugly world. people calls it the UGLY EARTH; THE UGLY REALITY. i shut them up. Now; im going start all this. ugly reality. fuck.

and im not going to school until prelim 2 starts this friday. Not going school. Self declared holiday because i got migraine, totally not in the mood to study, and i know i cannot study in school. So, the able reasons made me make this decision, and im home studying now. 2more days.chiong chiong chiong.
Bastards,no need to think. no time for him.


go and die.
i swear.
go and die.
you made me do this;bastard.

♥ 1:43 AM

lol.
shit.
i hate life now.

♥ 12:14 AM

4thday;

living life as it is.
am going to be very very busy with my school work;so not much time for blogging already.But this will still be my 'pail of emotions'.
I love him; so much that,lol my results is going to suffer.
Anyway.

Prejudice -
An unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason.

Please lor; at least she knows beforehand,and with knowledge,with a reason too.zz;so its not prejudice [:
righthannah? haha.

i love jon ng.
love love love.

♥ 9:26 PM

3rday.

Its still a miss; i still do miss him.
I am trying my very best to adapt to life without him already! Tried my very best. I tried to laugh,smile,scream,or whatever but to no avail. Even when i thought that i've adapted, and i sit down in a corner, i think of him again.
Argh;whatever okay.Seriously.I so don't want to think,but i am thinking so much.LOL.
Anyway,i am so going to let myself go crazy by studying.I studied like 7hours striaght today and my head hurts pretty.ZZ.

&Hannah had some problems with her dearest derek (alliteration). :X
Anyway ya; told hannah some stuffs about shery,and hannah told derek and derek told shery.Well, obviously shery will know that it is me. Even though i hate bitching. zzz. well; hannah is my best friend, i can't possibly leave HER dearest alone when he needs help right? :/
Uh,dunno la.Shery changed alot la, thats all i can say.

if jon is in singapore,that would great.
I can rant to someone again.Sigh.

I miss you dearest.
I miss you.

♥ 12:11 AM

2nday.

为什么相爱的人不能在一起

每当我在夜里想起你的时候
不知道你在哪头
心里面有许多许多的爱与仇
不知是否是永远的伤口
当你留下我一个人说走就走
其实我也知道你很难受
只是这个世界把你我分两头
隔断情丝与占有

想起你我相爱的时候
相见只能在电话里头
我真的好伤悲好难受
不知道什么时候才是尽头

为什么相爱的人不能够在一起
偏偏换成了回忆
我带着你的照片找到海角天边
希望你会再出现

为什么相爱的人不能够在一起
偏偏换成了回忆
若就算忘记世界也忘记你
也忘不了我们有过的甜蜜
(repeat from beginning)

Yay,i received his reply to my email! &; i was so happy, despite the fact that the email was just like 6 sentences long. I was still very very happy.(: I believed that his flight just landed not long ago at that time when he replied me,and he even bothered to reply la! HEES ;D Happy happy. But he is going to be busy for the 1st 3months like what he said,so have to wait till 3 months later than he will have more time for me,(Okay la,maybe i think too much) =x

Got F9 for combined humanities.LOL(:
Elective history - 6/50 (obviously,i didnt even touch my book)
Social Studies - 22/50

WHATEVER(:
My mood is happyhappy.& i heard that emo song,so i downloaded it,hoping to make my mood emo a little.

Anyway,hannah's blog had this part dedicated to me la. Thanks so much girl, for praying for me and such. Hope that both of us will get pass this phase of our life soooon. Love you.

&I am happy.
I love Jon ng.

♥ 10:21 PM

靠近-

走在人挤人的走道 我问了自已
没有爱情的人是否会长命
那些电影常常让人感觉甜蜜
但是我不相信
坐在没有人的角落 我又问自已
究竟应该继续 还是该放弃
没有人能了解我 现在的心情
想看你 想躲你 难以决定
每当我想靠近 你总会装冷静
眼看你的表情 仿佛已经说明
我只想要证明 我们这段爱情
也许在你眼里 它只是个游戏
我只想要靠近 也很想要抱紧
回想到那过去 和现在新的你
我还想要参与 你的生活点滴
只要你肯相信
我一定会陪你走下去

坐在没有人的角落 我又问自已
究竟应该继续 还是该放弃
没有人能了解我 现在的心情
想看你 想躲你 难以决定
每当我想靠近 你总会装冷静
眼看你的表情 仿佛已经说明
我只想要证明 我们这段爱情
也许在你眼里 它只是个游戏
我只想要靠近 也很想要抱紧
回想到那过去 和现在新的你
我还想要参与 你的生活点滴
只要你肯相信
我一定会陪你走下去
能不能够让我 再说我爱你
还是你已不想听
能不能够把你 彻底的忘记
我是真的搞不清
每当我想靠近 你总会装冷静
眼看你的表情 仿佛已经说明
我只想要证明 我们这段爱情
也许在你眼里 它只是个游戏
我只想要靠近 也很想要抱紧
回想到那过去 和现在新的你
我还想要参与 你的生活点滴
只要你肯相信
我一定会陪你走下去
只要你再相信
我们会轻轻地靠在一起

1st day;

I missed him alot la okay.It is a hard time for me,because i am going crazy.I don't know if he is really in australia or like what Yihong and Ronald say,he is still in Singapore,but trying out some stupid lame excuses to ask for a breakup.They seemed to be rather confident in their thinking laa.And im really very worried,because i'm afraid that what i am going to hear will be something that i all along thought otherwise.
Nevertheless,up to this date,i still love him.

&I'm going to email him,yays! (:

Loves.

♥ 9:21 PM

You are going to leave me tomorrow,officially.
&tomorrow onwards,my countdown will start.
I DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT WILL BE!

I know,the loudness of my voice can never cover my sad voice.Yours too.I'm sorry that this will be our very last conversation and i have to end it that way.Though i did not make myself cry,i tried not to,because i don't want you to leave unhappily.You too right?You kept hurrying me to hangup the phone,because you can't bear to hear my voice for another second,you are afraid that you will miss me.Right?You are afriad that you will end up crying,and i will too.Right?

Somethings that i hope that you will remember even if you are going to be away for a long long time;
1.Please remember to read your emails,and reply them.
2.Must study very very hard. (I will too.)
3.Must take extremely good care of yourself. (I will too)
4.Don't drink too much beer.I know you will say you won't,just don't drink too much and get hangover again okay?
5.Remember to see a doctor if you are sick,don't keep coping under your blanket,your fever wont get any better that way.
6.Please remember me,and my phone number.
7.Please contact me when you are back in Singapore.

I haven tell you these:
8.& i will miss you.
9.I love you.
10.I will wait for you,but i will not close up myself. (This is what i promise you.)

It made my heart ache to just say these few sentences to you.It is hard.Because you are going to leave me tomorrow.You know how much i hate for this day to happen?
HATE.
Please,you promised me that you will contact me when you are back,will you?You are even avoiding me now.Sigh.I will try my very best to maintain in my best condition and wait for you this silly toad to come back to me 3 1/2 years later.I will study hard,try my best to.Very very hard and make you proud.I love you jon ng qi xiang.
Like what i've said.
My heart is withyou.Even if i were to get together with other guy while you are in australia,i will not forget you.NEVER.Because you are special to me.& i will only be entertaining those guys.Just to 'prove' to you that im 'not' waiting for you.This is what you want right?
Well,i love you still jon,at least up to this very date.My heart still belong to you.


These days,i will remember vividly.
6thSeptember2008 to 14thSeptember2008;
11.30pm, 12.13am

&9thSeptember2008 - my special day,yours too.

I love you.

♥ 9:29 PM

无言以对 如果会后悔
就该学会 在爱的时候
用智慧盖一座堡垒 收藏你的美

一进一退 流过的眼泪
不算白费 谎言和是非
有点累 心痛着在回味

月光下我们走过的那条街
当时的手还牵得那么直接
是你不再留恋 还是美好终究善变
月光下回忆在我身边穿越
你会不会还残留着那感觉
熟悉的体温 留下的指纹
别过问。。。。。。。


一进一退 流过的眼泪
不算白费 谎言和是非
有点累 心痛着在回味

月光下我们走过的那条街
当时的手还牵得那么直接
是你不再留恋 还是美好终究善变
月光下回忆在我身边穿越
你会不会还残留着那感觉
熟悉的体温 留下的指纹
别过问。。。。。。。

那天凝视着你的双眼
不说一句的吻你的脸
喔。。。。。。。
谁的出现 打断了永远

月光下我们走过的那条街
当时的手还牵得那么直接
是你不再留恋 还是美好终究善变
月光下回忆在我身边穿越
你会不会还残留着那感觉
熟悉的体温 留下的指纹
别过问。。。。。。。

熟悉的体温 留下的指纹
别过问。。。。。。。

//Today.
A song that is sent to me by yk.thanks uh.This song suits me so just oh well.Practically the song is made for me la.Ohwell.Not that i'm exaggerating.Listen to the song and you will understand how and what i am feeling now.I don't know luh.its been rather long since i last talked to him.And guess what,he didn't even bother.Ohwell.So i shall just go so low-profile and be just myself.MYSELF.I'm so not going to throw my results to the end of the cliff already.My prelim's L1R4 is so going to be terrible.LOL.yes,fails fails and failed papers again.So far,i only know i passed me English and Maths.LOL.Wait.These are just borderline pass.
English - 52
Maths - 50

Laugh please,laugh.

Liying claimed that she is best in Maths,and she got only 50.LOL.so whats next.(:
Anyways!
A new experience today as a relief teacher in my tuition center.Had to relief this class of naughty three,mischeivious just like any other child - i forgot their names,for maths.Yay,and this is how bad my memory was for the past few days.Forget every little details. Ohwell,back to the tuition.Due to my super inexperienced,i was paid $10/hour which was reasonable for a teacher who is totally inexperienced.Many people will ask me why i will go and work at this POINT of time when my 'o' levels is just 30days away.It is because i need to pack my brains with more things to be able to forget him and get him out of my mind for awhile,just a while.I need to get myself busy. (: Busy buzzy. yays.

And,i'm still not giving up yet.

♥ 10:08 PM

You promised to call.
i hope you kept your promise.

Then again, is promise worth anything?

♥ 9:17 PM

I miss you.

& i finally told you about me badly wanting you to stay by my side,as in at least live in me.You sent me those songs yesterday,and i got what you meant.I don't care about what you are trying to mean in those songs,but hey,i love you still.I don't need you to seek for forgiveness,about trying to just leave me,making the last call etc.I don't care.I just need you here and here - in my pumping heart.

How bad was it to just imagine that you will never be by my side again.How bad.
Very bad.

Three bad news to announce:
1. Terry Lee is going to have court hearing,in fact,i don't know where is he now.
You have been my dearest korkor up to date.& of cos,i won't want anything to happen to you.How sweet are you to tell me that i am nice and caring mei.But then again,you state you point that i have been emoing over this guy and that guy too much.I know kor,and i always look up upon you because you can handle your emotions very well.I just wish,and hope that nothing will happen to you because i will miss you so much,that i will feel so oh emo and don't know who to turn to when i go emo again.Korkor,please be safe.Protect yourself,i love you kor.

2. My Prelim results is so shockingly(yet guessed) terrible.
I guess i don't have to elaborate on anything because it is really very terrible.But one good thing that i can convince myself that i got so badly is that i only studied half of all the chapters that i was supposed to study.My strategy.I don't know if it will work,but,try lor.Will mention again after i got back all my results.Only can say,so far,all fail,except English,BUT,it is also not a good pass.

3. 1 day lesser.Jon is going to leave me in either 1,2,3,4,5... days.
You,silly boy.Drink more water.Take care of yourself.Don't party whole day okay.Remember to study.Don't fall in love, :x Don't keep drinking beer,you cannot take too much okay,you are a poor drinker.Don't hold other girls' hand ): Please do remember that i am still in Singapore,missing you.Please also remember that i love you.Please also remember my face,my hand,my hugs,my lips,my handphone number,my block,my everything.Don't forget okay?I love you.I love you.I love you.And i swear that i will never ever forget you.
I will work 1000x hard for Olevels,because i don't want to disappoint you,and i want you to be happy.My results will show yours,and my hardwork.It is not just My results,but also yours.Because you contributed to it.I love you.
Call me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.


& so,i'm waiting for your call again.
Love you.

♥ 8:12 PM

Today
Tomorrow
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
.
.
.
Which day will you be leaving me.Can you at least let me know,so that i will not feel so terrible inside?I need to forget you,get you out of my mind soon.Throw you somewhere else,so that i will not have to think of you during my critical period now.NOW is my critical period.1 month to go,'O' levels,1 month to go.Please let me off.
I guess this few days my mood will be so down la.So just forgive me if i say anything hurting at any times.Just let me be,or just scold me until i cry la.maybe i might feel better that way.
3.5years,so long.
31hours of not talking,wont you even miss me?

School.
Home.
Shopping.
Drink.
Eat.
Sleep.
Study.
.
.
They will just be so meaningless without you.
You,yes you.
Jon Ng Qi Xiang.

♥ 9:14 PM

Things are different now.

For those who still don't know,his letter had arrived.And he opened it already.Yes,its a letter of approval-and he is going over to Australia soon.Next week to be exact,and i don't know when because he don't want to tell me. Totally had no time at all to talk to him yesterday when i met him,because he was in a rush.Total rush.He just came down,despite being sick to eat lunch with me,and send me home.How sweet right?
1 week,was all i have with him only.Why must it always end up like this,why?
I was scolded by him today,for minding into his business,for caring about his matters so much,for thinking about him so much,for not unabling to let go.Must he be so cruel?Can he understand what i am thinking? I was just worried,purely worried.Worried about how will his life be after he left Singapore to go to another country,no one to look after him,especially in that cold place.What if he gets sick again?What if his fever didn't subside again?What if..

My heart is aching pretty much.I don't know why i have such a strong feeling for him.I only know that,its time for me to slowly let him off,let him go.Since that is what he want from me.He wants me to let him go.Even so,i will still slowly wait,wait for the day when he is back,and our story might just continue.

Silly boy,you owe me duckrice okay! And my birthday celebration,and you promised to take care of me.Promised that you will get good grades with me.Promised to come back during Chinese new year,holidays and ask me out.You promised. [:
I hope you will not forget all these.Still be very very very good friends,that will tell each other everything and still contact no matter what happens.I want to stay in touch with you,no matter where you go,what you do.You will still always be in my mind.Be it as a boyf,or as a friend.You will still be stuck there.&I will study extremely hard.This are my promises to you. [:

I was wondering.
Who will be the one to call me when im still stuck in front of the computer,and ask me to study.Who will hog on to the phone with me for 3hours without talking to me,just to want me to study.Who will talk to me about committment and love for 2hours,and cry himself.Who will be the one to chase me to sleep everyday because of the exams in the morning.Who will be the one to tell me how much he loves me.Who will be the one to ask me to go and rest even after a 1 hour exam.Who will be the one to wake me up everyday and ask me to wake up and study.Who will be the one to tell me to continue eating because my brain needs carbohydrate to work.Who will be the one to plant kisses on my lips when i go all so emo.Who will be the one to use his hand and force a smile out of his face just to make me smile.Who will be the one to call me every single day just to keep me accompany.Who will be the one to tell me his life stories when noone else knew.Who will be the one to give me thousands of hugs and kisses and whisper love messages in my ears.Who will be the one to hold my hand even though you ain't sure if that person is me,just because the feeling is right.Who will be the one to bring me home to meet his granny,sisters and parents even the very first time we met.Who will be the one to fetch me home all the way from sengkang back to choa chu kang and to sengkang again.Who will be the one to come all the way from sengkang despite himself having fever,flu,cough,sorethroat,just to make sure i ate lunch and reach home safely.Who will be the one to even bother to call me in the middle of the night when i cannot sleep,just to hear me bitch.Who will be the one to believe and trust me when even my good friend can backstab me.Who will be the one to ask me to drink water despite me only having slight cough.Who will be the one to carry my things for me when my hands are full.Who will be the one to grab my hand and walk in the crowd.Who will be the one,so thoughtful that when he was having fever,he would only give me a peak on my cheek.Who will be the one to ask if he need to work,to help me fill up the $100 in my bankaccount.Who will be the one to put over his cardigan on me when i barely showed that i was cold.Who would be the one to put my hand across his,and ensure that i am safe right beside him.Who will be the one to tell me that he is useless for not being able to fulfil all the promises that he made.Who will be the one to tell me that he didn't want to go to australia.Who will be the one to tell me that he won't want to give me any other memories because he want me to forget him and love another guy that is coming my way.Who will be the one to call me just right when i was going to fall asleep in the mrt.Who will be the one to let me lie on his warm shoulders when i didn't say that i was very tired.Who will be the one to scold me for letting guys make use of me.Who will be the one to teach me basic respect like not calling people's home phone late at night.Who will be the one to make me happy.Who will be the one to make my icy cold heart pump like a human's again.Who will be the one to tell me to take care of myself when he is not going to be around for me.Who will be the one to show me the right way out when he knows that i will be going the wrong direction.Who will be the one to show me out of the dark tunnel.Who will be the one to share with me his food.Who will be the one to make me get so jealous just because he is going out of the house.Who will be the one to hold on to my hand when i least expect him to.Who will be the one to cry for me when we weren't even together.Who will be the one to share the same taste as me.Who will be the one to make me even dare to tell my mum that i am attached to him.Who will be the one to crack jokes in the middle of the night to make me laugh.Who will be the one to ask me to tell my mum that we are together so that he will be able to drop by my house to study with me.Who will be the one to be afraid of me raising my voice.Who will be the one to scold me when i've done something tremendously wrong and apologised to me the next minute.Who will be the one to hung my phone when no one even did before.Who will be the one to call 2minutes after he hung up on my phone and repeatedly say sorry for 8 times.Who will be the one to say that he will forget me,just to make me forget him easily.WHO WILL BE THE ONE? ]:
I could name out no more,my eyes are going to be blinded.

And im going to get my blood test result so soon that i am so afraid that it will be a second blow on me,and i will/might have to go back home with god.Im so afraid that i will not have the chance to fulfil all the promises i made to him.I don't know la.hais.


&I'm getting so oh paranoid now.My handphone is just right behind me and i keep checking out for his calls.Ohman,hope all these will stop soon.Let me get used to the life without him please.Please god,please.

♥ 8:42 PM

It is raining outside.
∧im indoors;waiting for your call.

My heart is sinking;deeper and deeper into this game-love.i know i couldn't.i know i shouldn't.because this game,can never be played by me,for i am bound to lose the game.bound to.but who cares?I dare to even step into this love trap,and im sure there are ways for me to fall and stand up,IN the trap itself.

I hope that i will still be able to meet you later on.because i wish to tell you in your eyes that i love you.and hope that you will be able to tell that,i will miss you.ahhhh;sighs.

mixed feelings,i don't know what i am thinking now.
I only know;i love you dearest.

♥ 10:47 AM

I miss you.

Because..
1.The feeling was so right,and this make me love you so.
2.I know that i could rely on you.and if i were to be your future wife,i will be very happy,because you will make me very happy.You will not let me suffer or whatsoever.This is another reason why i am so in love with you.
3.You try your best to make me smile each time,even though you cannot help it yourself,and is going to break into tears.For this,i am so in love with you.
4.You give your very best into this relationship.And for this,i love you.
5.For telling me each time,"Laopo,i love you".For this,i want to say,"Laogong,i love you too."
6.You try to make me study each time,even though you call me and HEAR me study.For this i love you too.
7.You make me miss you each time.I love you.
8.You missing me.I love you.
9.For telling me and teaching me what is commitment and love.I love you.
10.I LOVE YOU.THATS WHY I LOVE YOU.

The list goes on and on,just that i don't want to continue. =/
its making me tear.

iloveyou.

♥ 11:13 PM

How am i to not feel the pain.

I really hate to remind myself that time spent with him will soon run out.Yesterday night,he called.We were on the phone until from 10pm to 1am.10pm-12.30am,we weren't even talking.He just called to make sure that i was studying.How sweet right,where the hell can i find a boyfriend like him?Chatted only for half an hour,and that was already enough to make me cry like shit.

I've never seen a guy like him before.Trying his ultimate best to make me happy,make me smile.He wanted me to find a guy after he leave for Australia.I mean,will i be happy that way?He just want someone to take care of me when he is gone.He say he don't want me to feel sad,to go emo over guys all over again.He said that he want to be the one to cherish me since the other guys all dont.People say that i always let guys make use.True.But,if he leaves me,who can assure that all these will not happen again,and that i will not be another guy's puppet again.How the hell am i going to find someone like him again?

I will be strong.I know i have to,no matter what is going to happen.I just need you to stop casting me aside,i just need you to be there whenever i need you.I just need you to stay by my side and love me like how you do now.I just want you to not leave me all alone.I just want to be by your side 3years down the road.Are you willing to?Please say yes.Because then,i will have the courage to live down the 3years,waiting for you.not trying to attempt any stupid things.And living my life just to wait for you to come back.

I'm willing to sacrifice anything.Anything for your safety,for your return.I just need you back.Even though i may have to wait up for years.I don't mind seriously.I just want you to be back.I want to have my future with you.


And i didn't know that i will love you so much.

♥ 8:20 PM

This is a song that i've placed in my blog now.Just random search in imeem.com and i found this.

Sweetbox- I miss you

Don’t be afraid to cry
It wasn’t wasted time
We just couldn’t win that fight
And I knew you couldn’t stay
You had to go your way
There’s really nothing left to say
But every now and then you cross my mind
And I try not to think about where you are tonight

(Chorus)
But I miss you
’Cause I really miss you
There’s no going back ‘cause what’s done is done
But I miss you ‘cause I really miss you
But sometimes love just ain’t enough

Hey
We didn’t write the rules
It wasn’t me wasn’t you
We both know that life is cruel
I know we can’t go down that road again
And it hurts too much to think what might have been

(Repeat Chorus)

I know we can’t escape from the paths that we have chosen
But every now and then, I’m reminded

I know we can’t go down that road again
And it hurts too much to think what might have been

(Repeat Chorus)

♥ 8:22 PM

It's been ages.
Yes,true love came once again,but than again,made it so pointless to.True love,i indicated it as this category because i know,its been so long since someone like him love me so much,and of cos i do.But than again,i know that i need to be strong,because he might have to go to Australia to further his studies soon.Obviously,how i wish the letter will not come,and even if it really have to,it will be a reject letter.Yes,reject letter.Both of us going crazy already,thanks to this stupid visa to Australia.He didn't want me to think so much,didn't want me to lose focus on my olevels.He wanted me to score well,and be the top of the top.He said,if i didnt get my way into poly,he will ask me for a breakup.I mean,of cos if thats the case i will want to study hard right-like obviously.

Anyway,back to the stupid Australia thingy.He didn't want to tell me initially,because he was so afraid that i will breakdown upon hearing the news.I was so so glad that my tears did not make their way out of my weary eyes yesterday when he was just beside me in the Mrt.I guess that he know that i'm going to cry soon,that is also why he kept smiling,forcing a smile on his face,all because he wants me to smile.silly boy.And of cos,i did smile luh,no choice ma.I also don't want him to go emo emo with me ah.Sigh.I hate it especially when time passes so fast in when i was with him.Went to his house and time passes so fast,on the mrt also.

And come to think of it.I think that i'm cursed.All the guys who love(d) me had to leave Singapore.First guy who left Australia,we were together for 1year.Second guy,2months,and now?How i hope god can stop giving me all these stupid tests,and let me live happily with a guy whom i love and love me.Can i?

After talking to hannah and kianloong.I have came up with a conclusion.
If the application to Australia is really a success,I am going to wait for him,despite him asking me not to.You think i care about all the time that im going to lose?3years,probably its a long time.Yes,but i am sure that true love takes more than that to happen.I wont regret my decision.Because i know that i love him.And its because of this love that im going to overcome this obstacle that god is trying to put me into,because our love will turn into power.With this power,i believe that everything could be overcomed.This applies to my olevels too,yays.

My only hope now is that he will be able to live in singapore for the next few weeks happily,and i will try my very best not to put pressure onto him.Happy and i will be contented.I will stay strong,and stay in this position for as long as i can.Right now,just hope that he will recover from his high fever,come come,pray with me for his health people!


&now,my heart revolves around yours.

♥ 6:44 PM

天气，下雨天。



下雨天了怎么办 我好想你
不敢打给你 我找不到原因
什么失眠的声音
变得好熟悉
沉默的场景 做你的代替
陪我听雨滴

期待让人越来越沉迷
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨 怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴

其实 没有我你分不清那些
彻别 接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

期待让人越来越疲惫
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨 怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大
天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴

其实 没有我你分不清那些
彻别 接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

--------------------------

回来了，但是我们疏远了吗？
总觉得你变得冷淡，没那么关心我了。或许是我多心，但是，我还是渴望你对我好的啊。虽然常说我不介意，其实，女人的心，你因该比我还了解吧。
谁都会渴望自己有一个能够好好爱他们的人，我也想啊。
对不起。
想太多了。

-我爱你，咖啡 :]

♥ 8:13 PM

朋友做到这样，算了啦。
当我相信错人了吧。
我没有话说了。（：

♥ 2:21 AM

今天的天气不好，刮风又下雨 - 正好！比喻我此时此刻的心情是最恰当不过的了。



爱在思念蔓延时　
没有警觉的开始
一种显而易见的心事　
虽然曾经是扑朔迷离的样子
爱在思念蔓延时　不再对自己掩饰
隔著距离的心　患得又患失
怕说得太迟　多想此刻　向你飞驰
让我到达你的心　对你宣告我的爱
SOME DAY 但愿我们故事真的上演
让我到达你的心　对你释放我的爱
SOME DAY 能够一起共度快乐伤悲
永不变　只要能拥有你的笑靥
让我到达你的心　对你宣告我的爱
SOME DAY 但愿我们故事真的上演
让我到达你的心　对你释放我的爱
SOME DAY 到永远
(音乐演奏)
爱在思念蔓延时　不再对自己掩饰
隔著距离的心　患得又患失
怕说得太迟　多想此刻　向你飞驰
让我到达你的心　对你宣告我的爱
SOME DAY 但愿我们故事真的上演
让我到达你的心　对你释放我的爱
SOME DAY 能够一起共度快乐伤悲
永不变　只要能拥有你的笑靥
让我到达你的心　对你宣告我的爱
SOME DAY 但愿我们故事真的上演
让我到达你的心　对你释放我的爱
SOME DAY 到永远
爱在思念蔓延时　
没有警觉的开始
一种显而易见的心事　
想急著表示我已爱上你难停止



有些人一定会认为我很傻，为什么要这么折磨自己，死守着一个‘长途’恋爱。但是我还是很幸运，我有些朋友是支持我的哦。他们告诉我，这种爱情很甜蜜，因为两个人受着一个每个人都认为会没有结果的爱情。我承认啊，我很勇敢。哈哈。
今天时间过得特别慢，真的有想念他了哦，傻瓜，等你回来~


-牛奶好想念咖啡哦

♥ 11:21 PM

今天的心情，乌云密布。

本该是要和我的好朋友出去的，最后没有。因为老娘我生病了，再加上有一个人要回他家。没办法，得陪他~ 所以只好和紫焉说对不起了。对不起啦，我重色情友 =x
没有傻瓜陪我的时候，时间过得好慢好慢。等了好久，现在才凌晨两点。惨了啦，开始有点想他了。

告诉你一个秘密哦，他是我第一个有吵架的男朋友。别说出去哦！感觉上很像很逊，其实，有吵架才是好的，证明有沟通嘛！幸好这个傻瓜会主动和我斗嘴，太好了！哈哈，看起来，我好像是一个很悲观的人哦。

不行了，我要去练功了! 得把他逼出我的脑，真是太不应该了啦！出门就出啦，怎么没有把我的心带走啊。讨厌咯。


-牛奶想念咖啡了哦 :[

♥ 1:49 AM

今天是一个阴天。

心情就好像跟随天气的转变一样，时好时坏。好的时候，能够和我的朋友们开玩笑，笑一笑。不好的时候，心里面就好像被刀刺几下似的　－　就如现在。他说要去外面偷鱼，心痛死了。刚才和他说了些话，让我现在有好几个疑问。
你们对爱情的定义是什么：性，还是感情，或者是一种责任？

其实，三样都有。怎么说呢？（听听俐颖这个恋爱专家说说看吧。）哈哈，不敢当。
一开始，是为了感情。两个人便在一起。之后，便是性取代了感情。其实也说不上取代，只是有了多一种乐趣嘛。之后，两个人就定下来。两个原本毫不相干的人在一起，要住在一起，之后又要主治一个家庭，从者开始就是责任了。
（回答你的问题了吗？傻瓜。）

另外，朋友到底是什么？
对我而言，朋友是一种很奇妙的东西。他们是那些在你生命中占有了很多位置。是那些能够让你开心，很自在的和他们说你的心事的人。当然，不是每个朋友都是好的啦！有些朋友，只是能够做朋友，而不是好朋友，或非常要好的朋友。我猜你们是不会明白的，说已给你们多一个例子！
朋友（ｆｒｉｅｎｄｓ）：不一定能有陪伴着你度过你的人生。只是那种见到说ｈｉ，没见到就连理都不会理会的人。这些朋友也不会帮助你，成天只会嘲笑你，虽然是朋友，但你也根本就不必理会他们，因为你就是你。
（所以！朋友大家一定又得好不好～）
好朋友（ｇｏｏｄ　ｆｒｉｅｎｄｓ）：会比朋友好。（鼓掌！）朋友是能够陪你度过的那些黑暗日子的，但他们会慢慢对你生熟，久而久之就会变成朋友而已。人嘛，都是这样的啦。好朋友虽然难找，但是，不长久的。这些也只会在你有难的时候离开你罢了。好朋友也不必怎么相信的啦。
共患难的朋友（ｂｅｓｔｆｒｉｅｎｄｓ）：就如名字，已够解释。这一类型的朋友是很难的才交的到的！如果你有这种朋友要珍惜哦。他们是会陪你共患难的，不管发生什么事情都不会变，而且是要经过考验的哦。我就有一个十年和一个五年的好朋友，难得哦，要珍惜。这一类的朋友，不一定要常常联络，但是一旦另一个人有难时，他们都会挺身而出，虽然因为时间而没有常常联络，但是一有空就会出门。即使相隔很久，也是无话不谈。这种裁培被列为共患难的朋友嘛！
男／女朋友（ｂｏｙ／ｇｉｒｌｆｒｉｅｎｄｓ）：这是最高最高最高境界的了。这一类是包括了第一，二和三。不仅如此，也得包括之间所说的爱。

--------------------------------

今天，有两组人来我的家。好！有人陪我咯～　开心。
很巧的是，那两组人是有关联的！（ＯＨＭＹＧＯＤ！）之后第一组人走了，剩余的两个便和我开始弄乱厨房（遭了，妈妈回来我死．）午餐吃意大利面，晚餐吃炒饭。对嘛对嘛。真闷～
好了，不要再说了，要去陪我的咖啡了。他明天就要回家，我就寂寞了啊！):



-牛奶爱咖啡哦！　

♥ 12:26 AM